This Cannot Be Happening!

Two burglars on a simple, in-and-out job. That was the idea, anyway.

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This project received pledges on Fri 15 Mar 2019

This Cannot Be Happening is a dark comedy about Jo and Cat, two burglars who try to rob Steve, a banker living in the suburbs. It seemed like an easy enough job, until they took Steve hostage. They’re not sure how it happened, Steve’s not sure how it happened, but it’s happened. Now all three of them just want to get out of this mess...and hope they won’t have to clean anything up.

OUR Main characters

Jo - The brains of the operation.

Cat - Not quite the brawn, but at least she's there.

Steve - Our poor hostage. Well...he is loaded, so don't feel too bad for him.

Victoria - Steve's loving wife. In for a nice surprise when she gets home.

OUR CREW

Our talented group has been raised on the driest, most uncaring British comedy, and seeing Josh Robinson's hilarious script inspired us to create a beautiful, dark, twisted thing of our own.

Director - Jordan Webber

Between his experiences of acting in Stagecoach Theatre Arts and being raised on the films of Edgar Wright, Jordan is invested in affecting the audience, first and foremost. His tightrope walk between making you laugh at a hostage and weep for a burglar is critical. Who knows, he might even trick you into donating.

Producer - Evangeline Parry 

She’s organised, a bit of a control freak (her words, not ours) and she likes working hard to put something together. She keeps us all sane, and we love her for it.

Director of Photography - Eugene Tumusiime

An aspiring cinematographer by day and street photographer by night, Eugene lives his life through a lens. TIME'S Person of the Year 2006. Seriously.

Art Director - Radville Stalmokaite

Driven by finding the meaning in colours and symbols, Radville is ideal for figuring out which shade of red will make you hate Steve the most. We’re thinking sangria, but she’s the expert.

Additional crew

Editor - Aaron Moule 

Sound Recordist - Giovanni Stramacci

Sound Designer/Mixer - Alena Vicherkova

Gaffer - Mollie Aldridge

1st AC - Israa Edamee

OUR VISION

We want the film to have the fast-paced kinetic energy of Edgar Wright’s films like Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead. This situation is a hot mess and we want to grab you from the first frame 'til the last. Our Director of Photography’s arms are going to be very tired, but we’re all suffering for the art here, you're just paying for it. We hope.

The BUDGET

While we’re able to rent filming equipment for free from university, and we've already been granted a location for free in Thame, Oxfordshire, we still need to account of the rest of production. This is where your hard-earned pennies will be going:

Travel - £353 for cast and crew between our shooting location in Thame and London.

Hotel & Lodging - £317 for cast and crew over three days so we can actually sleep. We'll be honest, that would be handy.

Catering - £335 to keep us alive and whatnot over three days of shooting. We refuse to starve for any longer than two days. We have standards here.

Art Direction - £71 dedicated to getting to make the set and costumes look as expensive as possible. Yes, we know how that sounds.

Our current budget allows for some contingency funding, but if we exceed our target, we will split the remaining money between festival entries and donations to Crimestoppers, an independent charity that gives people the power to speak up and stop crime, 100% anonymously.

Where you can find us

You can find us under @thiscannotbehappeningfilm on:

Instagram

Facebook

Twitter

Spread the word!

Even if you can't donate, please share this page and any of our social media pages with your friends and family. Especially the ones with money. We'll know.

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Special thanks - You'll get a special thanks in our credits for making this happen, and allowing us to actually pass this year.

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Estimated delivery: 1 May 2019

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Digital copy - You'll receive a pristine digital copy on our release day in May, along with special thanks in our credits!

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Thank you email - You'll get a personalised thank you email, straight from the director along with a digital copy and special thanks in the credits.

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Thank you video - You’ll receive a personalised thank you video from our main crew, a digital copy of the film, and special thanks in the credits. We might be completely exhausted by the time this comes around, but none of us are graduating without this film, so it feels like an even trade.

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Estimated delivery: 1 April 2019

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Executive producer credit - Everyone who contributes will get a credit, but you’ll be heralded as one of the driving forces behind this film right at the top of our credits. Doesn’t that sound nicer? You’ll also get a digital copy upon release and a personalised thank you video from our crew.

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Estimated delivery: 1 May 2019

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Have a character named after you - Become a part of cinema history and have a hostage or a burglar named after you! This reward is limited to one donor who will be selected at random, so there's everything to 'pay' for! Get it? Give us money! Of course, you’ll also get a personalised thank you video and executive producer credit, but come on, you’ll just be a better person than the riff-raff (who we love very much for paying our project any attention).

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Estimated delivery: 1 May 2019